


Death Knight Sleepover Camp

by Sed



Series: No One In Azeroth Likes Anyone Else [2]
Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-22
Updated: 2012-05-22
Packaged: 2017-11-05 19:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/410355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sed/pseuds/Sed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do death knights get their names?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Knight Sleepover Camp

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic that you shouldn't take seriously. Ever wonder why the DKs around you have such stupid names?

The upper promenade of Acherus was silent, except for the occasional rattle of chains when the wind blew in from the open balcony. Several ghouls trudged about by the forge along the far wall, picking up scraps of saronite and discarded bits of flesh. A lone abomination snored in one corner, drooling onto his own stomach. The necropolis thrummed with its own innate dark energy; seemingly alive yet deathly cold to the touch, in quiet moments it sometimes seemed as though the walls were breathing.  
  
In the days since the newly awakened Lich King had begun his assault on the citizens Havenshire and their overzealous Scarlet defenders, several death knights had shown themselves to be, if not worthy of his highest accolades, at least greater in strength and promise than most of the other walking corpses bound to his will. Afforded the special right to make themselves at home within the Ebon Hold, these seven had quickly staked their claim on a small corner of the upper promenade, far from the balcony and the chilly aura of their lord. Although united by their common servitude, they were nonetheless strangers.  
  
"I find it distasteful that I should be commanded to share quarters with such beasts," said a male night elf. He sneered at the blood elf huddled under a tattered blanket across from him.  
  
One of the two humans sighed, rolled his eyes, and said, "Allowing for some rot to have taken hold in your brain while you rested in the ground, do you forget that all are as one in the service of the Lich King?"  
  
"Besides, it's not like we chose to be stuck with you, either," the blood elf replied with a sneer.  
  
The night elf scowled darkly and crossed his arms. He leaned back against a corpse wagon to pout.  
  
"It dishonors our master to be so divided when he has blessed us with his dark gift, brothers," an orc said.  
  
"'Ey!"  
  
"And sisters."  
  
The lone female troll raised her head and narrowed her eyes. "Don' joo be ignorin' da wimmin, ya filthy orc."  
  
"I have a name," the orc growled.  
  
"Den tell us, we ain't gonna guess it."  
  
He nodded. "Very well. My name is Tez."  
There was no reply. Some of the death knights looked around as though trying to avoid meeting Tez's eyes. "What?" he asked.  
  
"Well..." The other human reached back to scratch at his neck nervously. "It's... it's an okay name, I suppose."  
  
Tez seemed to take exception to this modest appraisal. "It is a name passed down through the warrior men of my clan! It is an honorable name!"  
  
"All he be sayin' is dat it's... good, for an orc, dat is."  
  
"It's not a very intimidating name, though, is it?" The blood elf cocked his head to the side and shrugged apologetically at Tez.  
  
"I—I do not believe that should matter."  
  
"Well no," the first human chuckled. "It won't matter much. Tez is a fine name for a ghoul. I doubt you'll live long enough for it to become an issue." This elicited a hearty laugh from the night elf, who raised his hand to high-five the human.  
  
The female gnome, who had not bothered to join the conversation up to that point, finally spoke up. "Everyone stop picking on Tez, he didn't choose his name."  
  
All seven were silent for a moment. Then the blood elf said, "What if we did pick our own names? New ones. Names befitting our dark power."  
  
Before anyone could reply, a painful, thunderous roar filled their minds. "YOU WERE COMMANDED TO SLEEP, DEATH KNIGHTS." The Lich King's voice overpowered all coherent thought, causing all seven to wince in pain. "CEASE YOUR INANE CHATTER AT ONCE, OR FIND YOURSELVES AMONG THE GHOULS."  
  
The necropolis returned to silence. A gust of wind lifted the pages of a book resting on a nearby ledge. A ghoul slipped on the puddle of abomination drool that had slowly worked its way down to the floor and across the debris-littered stone tiles. It lost an arm in the fall, but didn't seem to mind the absence as it returned to gathering stray ears and fingers. "I could be Fleshrender," the second human whispered. "My name is Harad—it's not very impressive either."  
  
The night elf nodded. "Fleshrender is pretty cool."  
  
"Damn."  
  
The other six turned to the blood elf. He lowered his head. "I wish I'd thought of that."  
  
"Yeah you do," the night elf said as he made a rude face.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Make me."  
  
"Shhh!" the gnome hissed. "Both of you need to stop now or—"  
  
"YOU WERE TOLD TO SILENCE YOUR BANTER, MINIONS! DO NOT BE SO FOOLISH AS TO TEMPT MY IRE, I SHALL SEE YOU CRUSHED BELOW THE FEET OF MY ARMIES AS BONES TO PAVE A PATH OF DESTRUCTION! HEED ME OR BE DAMNED!"  
  
The blood elf lowered his voice to a fraction of a whisper, "So what's yourname, kaldorei? _Treefucker?_ "  
  
"How dare you!"  
  
"DO NOT MAKE ME COME OVER THERE, DEATH KNIGHTS!" Arthas screeched.  
  
"Sorry, I forgot, you _are_ the tree, so that would be your mother's name."  
  
"Shut up you two!" the human, now Fleshrender, snapped.  
  
"For your information, dainty little sin'dorei, my name is Nanugohn." He lifted his chin and looked away with a haughty smirk.  
  
Suddenly the necropolis was filled with peels of laughter echoing off every stone. "Are you serious?!" the gnome gasped as she wiped tears from her tiny eyes.  
  
"Do not laugh at my name!"  
  
The unnamed human raised one eyebrow as he looked down at the gnome. "And what is your name?"  
  
"I CAN STILL HEAR YOU ALL TALKING. STOP IGNORING ME."  
  
"My name?" she asked. The human nodded. "Skoodle."  
  
"W—what the hell kind of name is that? I can't even take you seriously anymore. I feel ridiculous just sitting next to you," the human said. He started edging away from her as he spoke.  
  
"Well screw you then!" she squeaked.  
  
"Is that some kind of engineering joke?" Fleshrender asked.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
The blood elf chuckled, "Seriously, you should come up with a new name. Even Farfanel isn't that bad."  
  
"Farfanel?" she asked him. "What are you, some kind of popcorn?"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Burn," Nanugohn muttered under his breath.  
  
"That was not even remotely a burn!"  
  
"You look pretty burned."  
  
"No I don't!"  
  
Suddenly Tez shouted "Sneakyfeets!" All eyes turned toward him. "What?" he asked.  
  
"That sounds like a rogue's name," Skoodle said.  
  
"A stupid rogue," Nanugohn added.  
  
Tez grimaced and wrapped his blanket tightly around himself. "I don't see any of you coming up with better names."  
  
"I don't know," Fleshrender said. "Are there any names cooler than mine?"     
  
Nanugohn gasped and said "Bloodshrieker!"  
  
There was a collective sigh from the rest of the group as they all acknowledged how fantastic that idea was. The group fell silent for a moment as the other five considered what they would like to call themselves. "Deathmilk."  
  
"Tez, just let someone else name you. Your ideas are all horrible." Farfanel was shaking his head in dismay at the orc.  
  
"IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL TO BE QUIET ONE MORE TIME, SOMEONE IS LOSING THEIR HEAD."  
      
  
  
\-------------  
  
  
  
Koltira Deathweaver stood below the towering arch that led to the balcony overlooking the human settlement. He absently picked at the bit of leather that secured his bracers. To either side of him were Orbaz Bloodbane and Thassarian; two human death knights who, like Koltira, had been charged with administering assignments to the Lich King's soldiers. Typically their master preferred to do such things himself—that morning queries about his commands for the day had been met with a muttered "YOU DEAL WITH THOSE FOOLS," as he looked out over the land below. Clearly there had been some happenings of note the previous evening.  
  
Suddenly Bloodbane cleared his throat. "Have either of you ever constructed a shadowbox?"  
  
Koltira was about to reply that he did not know or care what a shadowbox was, when he was interrupted by a group of the Lich King's chosen death knights. The ones who had conducted themselves with considerable aplomb since the start of the Scourge assault upon Havenshire. He mentally corrected his previous belief that there had been seven so chosen, as his eyes currently beheld only six.  
  
"Sir, we have come to report to you for our orders," one of them, an orc, said. He seemed to lead the group.  
  
"What is your name, soldier of the Scourge?"  
  
"N—" he looked back at some of the other death knights. "Nightfang, sir."  
  
Koltira raised one pale, slender eyebrow. "Nightfang? How did you come by such a name?"  
  
The orc seemed to weigh his answer for a moment before turning to point at a human standing behind him. "He came up with it."  
  
Bloodbane was already laughing. Koltira looked back at Thassarian to find the man hiding his face in his hands. "You allowed yourself to be renamed?"  
  
The orc nodded. "We all did, sir."  
  
Sick curiosity seemed to get the better of his fellow death knight; Thassarian suddenly blurted out "What are your names, then?"  
  
There was a short pause before the human stepped forward. "I am Fleshrender." He nodded his head politely at the three senior Scourge commanders.  
  
"Hexymama," a troll female said as she raised her hand.     
  
"Bloodshrieker," came the reply of a tall night elf male, standing in the very back.  
  
Koltira looked down at a diminutive gnome female. "Shortyganker," she replied.  
  
From his peripheral vision Koltira could see Bloodbane leaning on Thassarian's shoulder, hand over his mouth, spasming with silent laughter. He turned to the blood elf, standing away from the rest of the group. "And you?" he asked.  
  
"Sir... I chose Deathbewts, sir."  
  
"Death... beets?"  
  
"No," the blood elf said hastily. "Bewts... like boots. Only... only cooler. And made of death."  
  
Thassarian and Bloodbane had lost whatever composure remained, both doubled over, gasping for breath as they laughed uncontrollably. Koltira crossed his arms and sighed. "You all..." he began. The death knights looked up as one, their eyes shining with hope. "Are idiots."


End file.
